The tears came later. Hours later. In the quiet of our bedroom and reflecting and holding each other in awe, and surprise, and surreal good good good.
We saw hands and legs, each tiny rib and each disc on a spine…it was mind-blowing and beautiful and magical.
I woke up to an empty bed and went to investigate. In our porch, I found this ninja boy quietly and lovingly waxing my car. He had been up since dawn working on it, and when I asked why? (Usually, our maid washes it) He shyly smiled and said because I knew it would make you happy and I wanted you to feel special and loved. He also filled my gas/love tank up. Oh my heart.
I honest to God thought I would love every minute of being pregnant. I love children and I waited my whole life and my whole marriage to find a place where my heart and my brain would finally align and get to a place where I would want to start trying so genuinely not liking being pregnant at all really threw me for a loop.
For a while there, I started going back to where it all started and writing more on my personal FB page.
Late night and mid-day soliloquies of the so big and the so little was so much easier in the life-on-happy-crack-busy-busy-busy to write but I started to miss this place.
I missed the draw of writing then rewriting again.
Of editing and re-editing, crafting and re-crafting, trying and trying again.
We took a month break and traveled back to the country where we first met, the country we fell in love in, the country we learned to dream big dreams in and in that little city that we used to call home, I learned again and again the depth of the man I am privileged to call my husband.
So excited to share these photos and this story with you this morning.
This week held so much fun and happy that just putting together this post made my heart smile and mouth water all over again! 🙂
We celebrated a special birthday boy with a yearly tradition of cake at midnight!
I had a quiet Saturday to myself since the boys were working and the busy bee is planning a few surprises for a someone’s birthday that shall not be named. 😛
I didn’t use to love the quiet, in fact, I used to hate the alone. When you’ve spend a gazillion lonely nights waiting, you come to hate the dark and the deafening silence of empty.
I would sit with Cody by my side on the couch and read a book, or cook up a storm to store in the freezer, or bring home work just to be busy.
It was hard to be still with the thoughts and the gut wrenching knowing that this was not the life I imagined.
I promise I have not fallen off the face of earth, well, I lie, this last week I really thought I was dying a slow death from the plague.
I’m a dramatic whine-a-lot when I am sick, and there is no better cure than the people you love attending your pity party of one. 🙂
My ridiculously gorgeous BFF in Springfield is the best at this.