The tears came later. Hours later. In the quiet of our bedroom and reflecting and holding each other in awe, and surprise, and surreal good good good.
We saw hands and legs, each tiny rib and each disc on a spine…it was mind-blowing and beautiful and magical.
Ahhh!! Look at that belly!! ♥♥♥
This week, it’s really started to sink in and become real that I’m going to be a mama. It’s weird and crazy and so very surreal.
I caught a glimpse of my baby bump today and I just smiled and oohed in awe at my reflection, marveling that it was beginning to look less like pot-belly-junk-food-eating-fatttttay and more like an actually pregnant mama.
So crazy. Continue reading
I recently discovered that I have the start of a baby bump!?!? *extremelyexcitedsqueal*
My throat started getting itchy and scratchy and sore around Tuesday, the tell-tale signs of an infection starting to set in and I don’t think you’ve ever seen a girl so frantically swish salt water and make neti pots but alas, here I am, full blown tonsillitis, a stuffy nose, an earache and making peace with the crud trying to make a home in my lungs.
I finally caved and picked up some pregnancy-safe antibiotics (Zinnat) and antiseptic rinse (Thymol) from the doctor.
I physically don’t feel good but I will take it any day over emotionally not feeling good and I am so grateful this week, the hormones aren’t going crazy.
You can barely see our little poppy seed but the Dr explained to the newbies that the big black hole as the baby’s “house” for the next nine months. Hello little one!
We got some good news and some bad news, and I feel the axis of my world spin just a little off kilter as I learn to surrender.
Our little poppy seed is still hanging in there and measuring just a little under but still on track. The worrisome thing is that I’ve had a lot of cramping in the last couple of days, prolonged bouts of steady pain that occasionally increases and it worries our doctor because it signals that the uterus is contracting and trying to expel.
She doesn’t like that it occasionally keeps me up or that I don’t really get a break so she’s started me on some Dydrosgesterone hoping that it will calm my uterus down.
CALM YOUH TITS, UTERUS!!!
It still mesmerizes me to think that our tiny little seed was growing when we took this picture and we had no clue. What a privilege and an honor to love and be loved by this man.
J and I have a ritual of praying together during altar call. I couldn’t even get past “Dear God,” before completely breaking down as J rubbed and squeezed my hands.
I want to blame it on hormones but I know it is so so much more than that.
This was our first week in church since finding out we had a little one growing and to come back in here and measure how far our God has brought us and planted and watered is breathtaking.
Again and again, I am humbled and in awe of His purpose and plans for our lives.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
But mostly, sitting in our pew as we listened and praised and submitted, I made peace with God that this is His child and I will try my best to just trust Him in this journey.
I had a quiet Saturday to myself since the boys were working and the busy bee is planning a few surprises for a someone’s birthday that shall not be named. 😛
I didn’t use to love the quiet, in fact, I used to hate the alone. When you’ve spend a gazillion lonely nights waiting, you come to hate the dark and the deafening silence of empty.
I would sit with Cody by my side on the couch and read a book, or cook up a storm to store in the freezer, or bring home work just to be busy.
It was hard to be still with the thoughts and the gut wrenching knowing that this was not the life I imagined.
I was talking to a friend about our marriages. She wanted to know how J and I stay connected, how we seem unfazed by the first year curse, or how we seem to always just enjoy each other. And I reminded her that 90% of the time she sees our highlight reel.
But that behind the scenes, there are also very real, very honest, very deliberate decisions that we make as Mr and Mrs and as individuals to honor each other. We dig deep and we have planted roots that intertwine and tangle but at the core of it, we work hard, all the time, on our marriage. Not because we have to but because we choose to. We put in the little and get back the a lot because everyday, we make deposits and investments.