Ahhh!! Look at that belly!! ♥♥♥
This week, it’s really started to sink in and become real that I’m going to be a mama. It’s weird and crazy and so very surreal.
I caught a glimpse of my baby bump today and I just smiled and oohed in awe at my reflection, marveling that it was beginning to look less like pot-belly-junk-food-eating-fatttttay and more like an actually pregnant mama.
So crazy. Continue reading
I turn thirty today. A milestone birthday and my mind is so incredibly blown.
I am an almost end-of-the-year baby, which means that I have had the joy of watching most of my friends turn thirty before me, learning what it means to them and to me.
I wasn’t sure how this would feel, but again and again, when I have visited how this day would look and feel like, I was so very excited.
I recently discovered that I have the start of a baby bump!?!? *extremelyexcitedsqueal*
My throat started getting itchy and scratchy and sore around Tuesday, the tell-tale signs of an infection starting to set in and I don’t think you’ve ever seen a girl so frantically swish salt water and make neti pots but alas, here I am, full blown tonsillitis, a stuffy nose, an earache and making peace with the crud trying to make a home in my lungs.
I finally caved and picked up some pregnancy-safe antibiotics (Zinnat) and antiseptic rinse (Thymol) from the doctor.
I physically don’t feel good but I will take it any day over emotionally not feeling good and I am so grateful this week, the hormones aren’t going crazy.
Hi little upside down one!
Earlier this week, I had a very woe-is-me, raw, honest, heart all torn and sad update. I was also for some reason, so very nervous about our 12 week scan/visit because so so much rides on this one very little but very significant visit.
A little milestone that we survived our first trimester (though I did find out today that technically, it’s only at 14 weeks since you don’t really count the first 2 weeks…WHAT?!!?), that our little poppy seed hung on and grew and it was finally, significantly, safer to share with our world.
I woke up to an empty bed and went to investigate. In our porch, I found this ninja boy quietly and lovingly waxing my car. He had been up since dawn working on it, and when I asked why? (Usually, our maid washes it) He shyly smiled and said because I knew it would make you happy and I wanted you to feel special and loved. He also filled my gas/love tank up. Oh my heart.
I honest to God thought I would love every minute of being pregnant. I love children and I waited my whole life and my whole marriage to find a place where my heart and my brain would finally align and get to a place where I would want to start trying so genuinely not liking being pregnant at all really threw me for a loop.
I tried getting out of it even till the last minute. I didn’t even pack my suitcase till the day we were leaving even though this trip was planned so so many months ago, before we even knew about our poppy seed or even the possibility of one.
I worried about not having a place to rest or if I would cramp or bleed or something bad would happen because isn’t that how your fears work? They take a little tiny thing and weave and string and twist it into a bundle of knots and worst case scenarios.
I worried about the food and food poisoning and that we were traveling at the peak of nausea and I honestly had no idea how I would cope.
I worried about the stress of traveling, the walking, the accidentally doing too much, the lack of familiar and comforts and “same”.
If I thought more about it, the heart of it was that I was so afraid of another new in this world of so much new and scary and I just wanted to hunker down for normalcy.
When you want a pastry but you’re not sure which one baby will agree with so you take a bite of each to gauge his/her reaction. 🙂
I need sunshine.
I need to get out and freeze in an air-conditioned mall and walk my favorite grocery store picking and smelling and touching produce.
But I’m still in a lot of pain so the times we’ve attempted an excursion to see the outside world has been a miserable fail.
No scans this week and no major updates except nausea.
Lots of nausea.
Holy batman nausea.