J and I have a ritual of praying together during altar call. I couldn’t even get past “Dear God,” before completely breaking down as J rubbed and squeezed my hands.
I want to blame it on hormones but I know it is so so much more than that.
This was our first week in church since finding out we had a little one growing and to come back in here and measure how far our God has brought us and planted and watered is breathtaking.
Again and again, I am humbled and in awe of His purpose and plans for our lives.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
But mostly, sitting in our pew as we listened and praised and submitted, I made peace with God that this is His child and I will try my best to just trust Him in this journey.
All week long, I’ve been terrified and anxious and so afraid of all the things I don’t know.
I absorb and research and look for as many answers as I can but this life of constant fear is incredibly exhausting.
The so big responsibility overwhelms and I feel like I can’t catch my breath because I am afraid of the world of what ifs.
What God taught me this week is that He is so big and He has got us and this.
He made and knitted and created this tiny little poppy seed in my womb that will someday grow into a breathing, living, loving, heart-beating, Jesus-fearing, soul-fulfilling, joy-giving little person.
He has got this.
He has got us.
“Don’t dig up in doubt what you planted in faith.”
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