I love that my husband’s happy of the day is from our mini date together.
I was running some errands and skipped lunch so I was
going to chew my arm off starving!
This handsome man met me halfway and kept me company so I wouldn’t have to inhale my nasi lemak alone.
Who knew that one of the sweetest perks of marriage is also having a lunch partner for life?
Or someone who will smile with me each time we pass a popsicle stand?
To celebrate, we took shameless selfies!!
Why are you even surprised?!
🙂 🙂 🙂
Oooh, and because J already stole one of my happiest moments of the day, I guess I’ll just have to post more
I may or may not have gotten distracted by a couple of boutiques while running around.
(It was totally on my list, J!)
I stopped at this store called Lonely Dream in Bangsar Telawi Square (next to Number 76 Style!).
It’s a little quirky, a little eclectic and a little bit so up my alley.
I turn thirty this year, it blows my mind and embarrasses me a little that it has taken me thirty years to figure out how to be my own person.
I like conservative but with a little bit different.
I am hopeless at trends and totally crappy at telling you what’s in season.
I struggled with identifying who I was in a new body but I’m slowly learning to just be.
I am discovering all the different “ah-hah” parts of this weight loss journey.
To be healthy and make littles.
To go on life-changing adventures that I never imagined I would be able to do.
And in a totally lala girl moment, just walking into a store and not panicking.
Not walking out with my self-esteem and heart smashed, embarrassed because the biggest size they carry doesn’t even come close to the size I wear.
Or seeing something I love on a display while running errands, and giggling while I send J a text that I am totally going to turn back and try it on!
I don’t know if you can relate to this or if I am just crazy…
But for a long time, when I looked in the mirror, I still saw the former fatty.
I still picked sizes too big to bring into the dressing room before sheepishly moving down.
Afraid for that panicky sweaty ohmygod ohmygod moment of being in a dressing room for the rest of my life because the top won’t quite stretch over your bat wings and double chin and so much belly and it is stuck, STUCK.
And for a second there, you just want your mama and a pair of scissors and get me out.
You are humiliated and so very afraid you might rip it and have to explain that you are just too fat for this.
But then you suck it in and you say, don’t panic Racheal and thank you Jesus it comes off between the deep breathing and the sucking in.
You quickly shove your discarded rejects and mumble a quick no thank you to the perky dressing room assistant with your eyes to the floor.
You are so angry and so upset with yourself but more than anything else in the world, you are so disappointed.
The beauty after the smoke clears is learning that it was never about finding clothes that fit.
It was mostly about just wanting to fit in.
Because sometimes, the tops still don’t come in my size.
Sometimes, the dress hugs the wrong curves and sometimes there is a gaping hole between boob and shirt (WHY ARE YOUR BOOBS ALWAYS THE FIRST TO GO?! WAHHH.), and that is okay.
It is finally being comfortable enough with my strengths and weaknesses to know that the inability to fit into something does not make me less.
Some outfits will never look as pretty on me as on someone else.
But I will celebrate my jiggly parts and bubble butt and hold my head high.
I will pick silly things and fall in love with SO! MANY! RUFFLES!
And when J makes fun of another black shirt, I will smile and let him tease me and say
“Whateva, whateva, I do what I want.”
I will have a fashion show for him and take shameless selfies to share with the Internet.
Because I know, with everything in my heart, that we are made different, that my soft parts are someone else’s hard parts, that my loud is J’s quiet and where I push, he will pull.
Fitting in doesn’t always mean that I am totally up-to-date and have the latest greatest in my closet.
Fitting in just means that I am finally comfortable enough in my skin to say it’s not perfect, but I kinda sorta really love this.
Is silencing the “WHY SO LALA GIRL POST?!” with the OH BUT IT MADE ME SO HAPPPPYY!!! 🙂
So that when push comes to shove and when someone attacks your own, you take your little shameless selfie lessons of fighting to be who you are and you fight the big fights of protecting and standing up for and showing up.
You like how I justified my shopping budget? 🙂
“There is nothing wrong with loving the crap out of everything. Negative people find their walls. So never apologize for your enthusiasm. Never. Ever. Never.”
Better yet, join us and share your happy! 🙂 🙂 🙂