Enough.

She called me fat and ugly, yet even in my hurt, I clung on to my worth and light that love always wins. "My wife is more," he says. "So so so much more." - Enough. |wander.kate

Right now, you are in the swamp sludgy mess

of crazy

and busy

and so very

overwhelmed.

 

You look at all your halves

and wonder if it’s enough

and how the hell

you will ever ever get through

this mountain before Friday.

 

Holy. 

Shit. 

Balls. 

 

It’s hump day dump day.

And like icing on the cake,

your woman parts are

so freaking PISSED

you decided not to make

a baby this month

and they are rioting,

making bitchy demands of

full fat, full scoops of

Haagen Dazs Green Tea ice cream

in between episodes of Castle.

 

Then just a moment later,

as you look across

the dining room into the kitchen,

when you thought

he was bringing the dirty dishes to the sink,

you find your husband quietly

filling up your empty bowl

the one you’ve licked clean

with just one more scoop.

 

The one you wanted

but made you feel guilty

so you just sat there

in your tragic and sad

and didn’t say a word

but yet he somehow knew.

 

And when he comes back

and presents you

his little gift of love

wrapped up in a surprise

with a smile so big

and twinkle in his eye,

it makes you laugh

and your soul shine. 

 

You think,

this is love.

This is marriage

without the pretty.

This is the real

in your torn comfortable

Pasar Malam mumu

and the crampy

I-don’t-feel-good yucky.

 

But you could do

24 hours of all this again

for these 5-minute

moments of pure joy.

You would do it all over again.

 

He has loved you

at your darkest,

your ugliest,

your fattest,

your broken.

 

And never once

did he ever make fun of you

when you couldn’t run up the stairs

or when the weighing scale tipped past 170lbs

or when your heart grieved in the darkness

and you just wanted to hide.

 

Never once,

did he ever ever say,

just get over it.

Never ever once,

did he echo your insecurities

and made you feel less than beautiful.

 

And when someone attacks your weight

in a backhanded compliment implying

you were less before,

calling you ugly

because you were fat and not worthy

you see a different side

of the sweet

kind

gentle

man you love.

 

He is so so pissed

he can only see red.

 

He is man

and he is your balm

and he assertively inserts himself

into this battle to shield you.

 

He takes one for the team,

he says bully me,

he says say that to my face

but the words

that actually come out of his mouth

quietly and firmly is that

this conversation is over. 

 

My wife is more,”

he says.

She is so so so much more. 

 

He is your hero

and your Captain America

but in this moment,

the only thing you can think of is

I’m so damn proud

I finally learned to pick the good guy. 

 

And that night,

before you go to bed,

he checks on you to make sure

your heart is okay.

 

He doesn’t usually initiate these talks

so you know

he means business.

 

Tonight,

he makes it a point to ask.

He makes it a point to lead

and meet you past the middle,

tonight,

he meets you all the way. 

 

He wants to know

if you heard him say

that your worth and beauty

will never be measured

by these numbers

and that you are heart,

and light,

and sunshine to him.

 

He wants to know

if you heard him say

that the flaws that people pick on

were never his instruments

to measure his love for you

or how he saw you.

 

You surprise both yourself and him

when you tell him

that it actually didn’t bother you

as much as it probably should have.

 

And as you say that,

you have a big “aha” moment

of realizing just why.

 

Because in these last four and a half years

he has taught you in the

everyday and the chaos,

in the hump days and the weekends,

in the 5-minute moments of pure joy

and in all of these

days

and weeks

and months

strung together,

he has taught you love. 

 

He has taught you who you are

and that all your halves are enough.

 

But mostly,

he has taught you that

love builds you up,

that love heals

and strengthens

and makes you feel ten feet tall

even if you’re really just

five feet and two

and a half inches.

 

That love sees you

when no one else does

and that love binds up

all your insecurities

into a safe place.

 

That the parts of you

that were once so afraid

of confrontation or conflict

has now learned

to choose to only let the kind in. 

 

He has taught you that

love doesn’t come in sizes,

but in the precious ordinary,

the sacred mundane,

the sunshine of goodness and laughter,

the tangled weave of where

friendship and love meet

at the stoplight of a busy intersection 

where someone

always believes in you. 

 

It is where grace always fills

your cup half full and

love is always always

enough. 

♥♥♥

 

“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”
~ George Eliot

 

Know someone that could use some encouragement and love today? Share links below and also on our facebook page. Thank you for reading and sharing and loving, it means so very much. ♥♥♥

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Enough.

  1. Pingback: A Majestic (Hotel) Romance: The Luxe Nomad Fairies | wanderkate

  2. Pingback: Of Paper Dresses and A Mama’s Love. | wanderkate

  3. Pingback: Day 6: Nasi Lemak & Ruffles! #100happydays | wanderkate

Please share your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s